You can file this under a “keepin it real” post…
Being/feeling alone in a crowd or group is real. There are many hard things on this journey of special needs parenting. Today was a hard day for me…
I took M & M to a homeschool group for early elementary kids. Marissa totally needs the time and friendships with kids other than Makenna. It was so good for her to go!
But Makenna is visibly different. Her speech is poor and she has big challenges communicating. It’s heartbreaking as a mom to see the kids around her stare or even look fearful. Makenna can get overstimulated in bigger groups and communicates this through behaviour, which makes the cycle of stares/fear even bigger. I have to balance standing back with jumping in to mediate things. Makenna doesn’t notice the stares/fear or the disapproving looks of other parents or kids…it doesn’t phase her. But it does me! It makes me feel alone and isolated! It makes me feel like curling up at home and never leaving. But I don’t say it. I try to hold myself together, because these other moms don’t get it, and you can see their discomfort in talking to you when behaviours happen. So I held it in and went home, where I could be sad and lick my wounds without someone watching…
It’s hard to have a child with communication issues.
It’s hard to see others frightened of your child.
It’s hard to feel like you are a stranger to other parents because they don’t understand your world.
It’s hard to have to be both a “helicopter parent” and stand back and let your child build relationships.
It’s hard to feel like you don’t have people to talk to.
It’s hard to want to leave the house when the world seems so unwelcoming.
And so I feel alone. Sometimes I feel alone in a crowd. Sometimes I feel alone with wonderful, godly people. Sometimes I feel alone with people who care (but don’t really understand and are scared to say anything for fear they say the wrong thing).
I know I’m not the only special needs mama that feels this way…I’ve joined online and in person communities that have shown me this. But today I am sharing, because if you don’t know, you can’t do anything. You can’t encourage me, or understand these things if you just don’t know. I also share so you will think of these things when you think of other special needs parents.
I want Makenna to be welcome in this world. I want your families/kiddos not to be scared and stare (this may mean you need to have some talks about differences with your kids). Believe me, we are doing what we can to help Makenna with communication and interactions (her speech therapist is even working at getting her a communication device) so she can be a part of her community and have friends.
I definitely needed to get this off my chest. Things are not always as they seem, sometimes us mamas are just trying to hold ourselves together until we get home to a safe place to let our emotions out. I don’t want to feel alone…just like Marissa and Makenna need community, so do I…so check in on us special needs mamas. And talk to your kids about kids with differences, so they are not scared, so they see them as peers worth getting to know in spite of challenges.
One mama reached out to me tonight. I told her what it meant that her daughter didn’t act fearful or stare at my child. She mentioned that they had a conversation on the way home and her daughter said she didn’t know how to include Makenna due to communication. This mama discussed ways she could try to include her.
You can make a difference. By seeing my loneliness. By teaching your kids about inclusion. By being an example of inclusion yourself.
If you’ve read this far, thanks for listening, and thank you for helping me feel less alone…
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