I've been reflecting a bit as the 15 year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis draws near. I had found a lumpy lymph node in early January that initially didn't not show signs of cancer, but as the year went on I was concerned as it continued to grow. Here is a picture from June 2008, and you can see that my right lower jaw (on the left side if you are looking it) was swelling down a bit in the picture.
After talking to a doctor I worked with and hearing what he said he would do, I felt validated in asking the surgeon to remove my lymph node--so I could have peace of mind. At my next appointment I saw the surgeons resident and asked for a lymphectomy to remove the lymph node, and he told me they don't typically do that but decided to "humour me" and booked me for the next available surgery date--November 5, 2008, my moms birthday.
I totally expected that I'd wake up from surgery with a "see, we told you that you had nothing to worry about", but instead I woke to my husband telling me that the doctor had told him that I had cancer. The next three weeks were spent in a limbo space. Knowing I had cancer, but having no clue what kind and whether it was treatable. Was I going to live to see my kids (then 2 & 4) grow up?
That November I put the Christmas tree up early--because I needed the Christmas cheer! I spent time crying on the phone to friends, and assessing what was really important to me. What would I do to have the kids remember me if I died? Who did I need to tell about Christ before I died? How could I make the most of my time with my family? While it was tough, thinking about priorities WAS a blessing!
Now, 15 years later...I sit and contemplate. What have I done with this blessing of more time? What would God still want me to do and who do I still need to share the gospel with? We are not promised tomorrow-there are no guarantees. I also look at how blessed I am to have my oldest reach adulthood and another almost there! And the adjusting of priorities also placed kiddos #3 and 4 in our lives, something that was unlikely before cancer came into my life.
While cancer treatment is hard and sucks, God used it to give me all the many blessings I've had these last 15 years. He's also used me and my experiences to encourage others that knew me and also recieved cancer diagnoses.
Sometimes when all is well, you're doing well financially, at work, in relationships, your health, it's easy to convince yourself that that's all because of you. It's easy to believe you are who sustains you. Sometimes you need that shake-up that reminds you that God sustains you, that he's your provider, your comforter, your refuge, your peace. To pull you out of the idolatry that happens when you see yourself in roles that are God's.
So 15 years in, I am taking a moment to remind myself of lessons learned from that fall/winter. Lessons about priorities. Lessons about peace in the midst of a storm. Lessons about who God is, and his love and care for me. Lessons about who to trust in uncertain times. And a reminder to keep in mind what I want to keep my life centred on--Christ.
Hopefully my time of reflection can be a time of encouragement to some my friends. God really did carry me through that tough time and I was able to see it in real and meaningful ways. He's still there, sustaining me and caring for me even when it seems less visible. He's got you. He's with you caring for and sustaining you. Calling some of you to deeper faith. Calling some of you to Christ for salvation. Calling me to share my life and the Gospel with you. Calling all of us to look at our priorities.
And these reminders are worth the time to reflect. Thanks for journeying a little with me today, I pray it was a blessing for you!
This last picture was from Megan's birthday a few weeks after I finished chemo (and a month before I finished radiation treatment). I embraced and relished that birthday milestone so much. As you go forth--remember what's really important. I'd love to hear what this post has caused you to reflect on, so feel free to comment if you wish!
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